Our April calendar was full of pregnancy classes. All of them provided a ton of great information; so much information that it’s now organized in my head as mush and unlikely to be recalled when I need it most. Following first trimester and second trimester classes in the last few months, herein was our April coursework:
Newborn Class
This 2.5-hour course walked us through everything about a newborn from breastfeeding and skin blotches that disappear after birth, to changing a diaper and the unending cycle of feeding and sleeping. The class reminded me of a few things that I’m not looking forward to like fevers, the challenge to soothe, and lack of REM sleep.
I am mortally intrigued with the idea of blowouts; when a child sprays their smelliest goods with such velocity that it hits the wall behind me, but I worry that it’ll land on me and that the cleanup will remove any awe I had for the act. It sounds like a mighty athletic feat; just one I won’t purposely try to make happen, but does happen to all parents eventually.
Hospital Tour
Surprise! This 90-minute class showed us delivery and recovery rooms. We learned about many nice things like the fancy meal we get after birth, a parking pass to dropoff the expectant mother (remind me to call for one before delivery), hand sanitizers at nearly every entrance, and a foldout couch for me to sleep on in the delivery room. Those are nice things.
Look at Kaiser-Permanente's brand new $2 million hospital in Walnut Creek, where expectant fathers can "suffer under the most comfortable circumstances possible"
What’s not nice? The guide told us the recovery room foldout chair is comfortable for someone who’s 5’5”. I’m 6’2”. This is the only reason I’m thankful we’re given all of 24 hours in that room before getting the boot. When I don’t sleep well on that chair/bed I will tell my wife, “I hope you appreciate this sacrifice I’m making for you. To be uncomfortable for one night of sleep is a heroic act, all on your behalf.” Then I’ll get an evil eye stare and ask her if I can get more ice chips. Yes, she's aware of this blog.
60 years later and look at Kaiser's labor and delivery care today
Postpartum
Post-birth depression for either parent, feeling bad about not forming an instant connection to the baby, and the continued physical changes to the mother’s body are solemn discussion topics. These serious subjects deserved a serious two-hour class of warnings, cautions, and notes about both partners after birth.
Then the instructor talked to us about using KY.
With 15 minutes left she showed us props like candles, babymaking protection, and a Yanni CD to get in the mood. A Yanni CD! I got mixed messages. Was she trying to encourage or discourage fun times?
Bow chicka bow-wow!
In all seriousness, this was a good class about the aforementioned solemn topics that reinforced the signs to look for, how to get help, and that you’re not alone if this happens to you or your partner.Breastfeeding
Nipples…lots and lots of nipples. I’m not talking about a Bourbon Street webcam. Nope. This was the opposite end of the flash-your-boobs spectrum. For someone to let themselves nurse on video was brave. Especially for the woman with the bad tattoo of a checkered flag that went from her wrist, wrapped around her forearm and upper arm, and ended at her neck.
Besides the videos there was a lot of good information and advice. Did you know that if your baby’s sick, the mother’s body will detect that and produce milk with medicine appropriate for the baby? Or that the mother’s skin will slightly darken up the middle of her chest to help the child see the path for nursing? What the mother’s body knows to do and can do during pregnancy is just incredible!
Oh, now I get how this will work
Kaiser-Permanente is strongly pro-breastfeeding, and it appears with good reason; lauding benefits like nutrients, immunization assistance, bonding, and decreased risk for many diseases. However, attendee questions came flying when a slide displayed results from a 2007 study that showed unequivocally that breastfed kids are far better off than formula-fed kids. The slide said, "Babies fed formula are at increased risk [for]..." and included data such as: pneumonia - 72%, digestive tract inflammation - 64%, ear infections - 50%, and SIDS - 36%.
While Kaiser has made it clear that not all mothers are able to nurse successfully and has resources to help, this slide would make a mother who is unable to breastfeed feel two inches tall for failing to prevent her child from these diseases. One of the first questions asked about the slide was how much formula had been given to the babies in the study? Was it being fed formula all the time? Once or twice each day? Half of the kid’s feedings? Is an occasional formula feeding THAT harmful?
Unfortunately our instructor didn’t know the details of the study so she was unable to put all of us at ease. I read the Tufts study, or skimmed its 419 pages for an answer, and learned it's a meta-analysis combining some 9,000 abstracts of other studies. I then found this in chapter 2, Definitions of Breastfeeding in this Report:
For term infants, “bottle-feeding” is used synonymously with “formula feeding.” Definitions of “exclusive breastfeeding” varied widely in the literature. They ranged from “no supplement of any kind including water while breastfeeding” to “occasional formula is permissible while breastfeeding.” We elected to accept all definitions of “exclusive breastfeeding” as provided by the different study authors, but we qualified our findings by the details regarding those definitions.I take this to mean that the study doesn't provide a strict definition of breastfed vs bottlefed quantities or frequencies (finding a common baseline is a challenge when doing a meta-analysis). Which means no instructor would be able to provide a breaking point value when choosing breastfed vs bottlefed. Kaiser should just mention the benefits in broad terms without percentages because those percentages imply exact quantity and frequency values behind them.
Some mothers are unable to or choose not to breastfeed so let's not make them feel so bad about their mothering skills, okay?
Better to do that than add a touch of worry to new parents who choose to or have no choice other than to give formula. We’ve got plenty to worry about already. Don't get me wrong, this slide was the only negative thing in this class. And of course, I'm not an academic researcher, just a soon-to-be dad trying to learn what he can do to provide his kid the best chance in this world.
After taking this class and knowing we have many resources for advice and lactation assistance, I didn’t see a need to purchase the breastfeeding book everyone was hyping before the class. And so far my wife hasn’t pulled the trigger on Amazon. If the class stops us from buying another $25 book about handling a newborn, then this free class (nevermind our premiums) was money well spent.
Birthing Class
When my wife signed us up for this class (three hours Friday, seven hours Saturday), it was the one I imagined we’d take and be done for all classes. That was until the earlier classes showed there’s more to pregnancy than memorizing the route to the hospital. We covered things like tracking contractions, breathing and relaxation techniques during labor, and pain management options during childbirth.
While the length of the class seemed daunting, I only checked my watch three or four times. The instructor was great, making sure we were engaged in the topics (and providing us much needed breaks), and the course material included a few hours of meditation and labor comforting exercises. Funny how time flies while wearing socks on a yoga mat with your eyes closed.
The women got to test back, foot, and hand massage techniques to see which would work best when their uteri are clamping like junkyard car crushers
We saw many pictures and animations that explained the biology of giving birth. In one video we saw two real-life babies squirt out like champagne corks, which thankfully lasted no more than eight seconds in total. It wasn’t as gory as I expected (thanks to no placenta shots) and nobody in the class passed out. One video followed a couple’s experience from the first contraction to birth and when the lights were turned on, many of us were wiping our eyes seeing the joy of the new parents after their struggle. The class wrapped with pain medication options, Cesarean section births, and post labor tests and events.
Graduation
I read the Mayo Clinic’s pregnancy book about the 1st and 2nd trimesters, but my reading tailed off months ago. These additional classes were great, filled my knowledge gap nicely, and saved me from pregnancy reading overload. I’m ready to cash in my Kaiser-Permanente class credits and begin coursework toward a real degree in fatherhood in less than two months.
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