VOCs Make Horizontal Lines Wavy, Man

With my wife on the other coast for a final week-long business trip before she’s grounded, it was on me to paint three bedrooms in our house. The same house whose keys we had received only four weeks earlier. And the same house whose floor is covered in furniture, papers, stuff, junk, canned goods, A/V wires, and cat toys. The mission was simple – paint the rooms so we can actually move into our new home – lungs be damned.

Because volatile organic compounds (VOCs) aren’t good for anyone, especially one who’s pregnant, I started my painting week with our bedroom so at the very least the most important room would be ready for her return. After dropping her off at SFO on Sunday, I started taping and cutting in at 1 pm. After dinner I started with the rollers and called it a night at 3 am; sort of forgetting that I’m not a stay-at-home dad yet. The bedroom walls were done and covered in Persian Melon. I was on schedule.

Straight lines are simply suggestions

After slogging through work on Monday, it was time to paint the baby’s room. I began painting our grand design – Palisades Park green for the bottom half of the wall, white basecoat line above, then a line of Poppy red, and then a line of Country Comfort yellow. The red line will have to wait until the other paint dries.  I went to sleep at 2 am and called in sick four hours later.

The in-house pregnant artist's look for the baby's room.  Never argue with a pregnant artist.

After an IV drip of coffee the next day, I started painting the living room in Wisteria and was thankful I only had three walls to cover. By 1130 pm the living room was done and my right hand felt numb from the repetitive stress of holding a portable paint bucket for three days. But at least I was going to sleep before the morning. I’m winning this game of life.

Phryne Fisher, a female inspector from the 1920s and our purple living room inspiration

Thursday brought the joy of peeling back painter’s tape in the bedroom to see what lay in my creation. There was total wall coverage and a few misplaced paint drops. That’s good. But there were shadows throughout. That’s bad. Putting my face next to the wall revealed unevenly rolled paint. Son of a #$#%!!!! I’m going to have to add another coat to the most important room that I thought was done. Good grief.

 

Brushing large spaces took longer than using the roller, but it left an even coat – the first time, every time

I decided to ignore the problem at hand and return to the baby's room.  I pulled the tape back to reveal yellow and green lines that were straight (enough); I was something less than a total painting failure.
 

 Stay between the lines, the lines are your friend...

I placed tape on the yellow line to mark the red line’s borders and began rocking a small brush. After a dripless coating I gave it 30 minutes to dry and removed the tape while it was still a little wet; at least that’s what I had read is what you should do when painting fine lines.

 

This is the last time I pull back tape from wet paint on a wall with an uneven surface

The wife came home the next day and triaged the casualties. Good news – we still loved the colors we picked. Bad news – I wasn’t done painting. One of the few remaining open weekends I have will be spent (still) awash in VOCs and ventilating fans. On Saturday I brushed another coat over my roller marks in our bedroom. On Sunday I delicately corrected the paint in the baby’s room with a flat brush. And on Monday my wife rose from another night on the couch and I left the guestroom to see my damage control work.

Today we give thanks to straight brushes – the great paint corrector

The bedroom paint was even, the baby’s room lines looked great, and the living room was ready for a Phryne Fisher episode. Commence moving furniture and making our house come together!