First Diaper Changing Hall of Shame

I didn’t grow up in a family full of newborns and toddlers.  My sister is four years older than me and we didn’t see our nephews early enough to break through the fourth wall of personal space that’s changing someone’s diaper.  I’ve only changed one diaper and I’m not exactly a natural.  Here's my tall tale of woe.

My wife’s nephew was all of two years old and visiting me and my wife.  My sister-in-law was at a local conference leaving me and my wife to babysit. No problem. We have twice the hands, twice the brains, and all the moxie needed to keep him alive for the next three hours.  Then my wife hurt her back trying to lift and twist him out of his car seat leaving me the only able bodied (not able minded) babysitter to manage the nephew.

I get all my life advice from Mr. Bean

An hour into our session it was time to change his diaper.  I’ve seen diapers changed on TV and in movies so I was prepared.

I placed him on the blanket and went to undo the diaper tabs only to be attacked by flailing feet the size of the my big toe.  With my wife’s encouragement, I grabbed his feet with one hand and undid the tabs to reveal the evidence of his digestion with my other hand.  By fate or the grace of whatever you believe in, my nephew had only peed. I tossed the diaper in the trash and wiped him clean.

I lifted his legs and placed a new diaper under him.  I connected both tabs and showed my wife my handiwork.  She laughed and laughed.

When I lifted my nephew the diaper slid down his legs. I brought him over to her and she properly fit the diaper, ready for the next absorbent challenge.

I had better figure out this diaper changing process unless I want to be awash in soiled clothes.  Despite the failed attempt with my nephew I like my chances, having a few thousand diaper changes in my future to practice and get it right.